(From November 2006. A bit odd to read now.)
People love these ten best sorts of lists. I don’t know why, suggesting that you fit in ten anything is confessing that you are generic. But as someone who did market research for many years I know that unconscious involuntary conformity is even truer than I thought as an angry teen.
1) Finding the ideal complement, partner. (Kink was much of the grease and certainly is part of the glue. There’s much else besides but without the matched desires we might have never discovered how we can bond.)
2) Achieving ecstatic experiences. Sex, of course, is swell. There’s an old cliché about baseball that it is 50% mental, the other 90% is physical. (And if I’ve botched the citation I don’t care.) While S&M is of course very physical the real power is in the heart and mind. People ruin their lives chasing intoxicants that they hope will give them the pleasure that I’ve found at Alexandra’s feet.
3) Living fantasies. For the mundane masses of men that is probably getting to bed a famous star or playmate. Given their sexual capacity that is – what – fifteen minutes at best: then they are probably left hungry for the next famous hottie on their list. With Alexandra it has been a couple of hours on a few lucky nights. And rapture from the experience recollected in tranquility glowed warmly for days, weeks and months afterwards. And I know longer wonder what the experiences would be like: I’ve lived them.
4) Self-knowledge. One of the ways in which I feel disconnected from the majority is that learning about themselves doesn’t seem wonderful in itself. Maybe they are the shallow people Oscar Wilde spoke of. Once you’ve lived through a fresh experience how can you not know yourself just a bit more?
5) Growth. Not only do I know myself better but I’ve adapted to some of that knowledge.
6) Freedom. As your fantasies are lived and you come to see yourself more clearly you mind isn’t bound by cravings. Sure there are as yet unsatisfied longings but you have a reasonable expectation of having them satiated.
7) Peace. Even if every possible libidinous itch isn’t scratched they no longer nag at you. Or if you are still wishing to have some special wicked act performed upon your person you have it in perspective and know that your life will be complete without it. (Please, please do it anyway he whimpers.)
8) Community. Your kink may not be my kink but we can still stand at the borders and talk. Everybody has to find her or his way to erotic nirvana. Differences need not put us apart.
9) Sharing. As I’ve learned about what men with needs and desires similar to mind are hoping to find I’ve created pages and entire websites to help them find it.
10) Self-expression. On this site alone I’ve crafted almost one thousand pages. My real audience is myself. Alexandra is second. I know that seems to violate the laws of BDSM. But as long as what I write is transparently from within it can only be good for her. Even if she doesn’t read the words the expression is part of the self-discovery that enables me to be as honest as possible.
Originally posted 2014-02-15 12:32:08.