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Advice : It Isn’t Just Kink

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There you are cheerfully wanking away to images of yourself scrubbing the bathroom floor clean with a toothbrush or locked in a cast iron chastity device or …

(If you are me the top is engaged in a close study of whether you whimper more entertainingly when hit with a single tail or a quirt.)

So you write a profile bragging about how happy you will be to clean floors or have orgasm only on February 29th (or advance research into the effect of cowhide on human flesh).

OK. We do meet to experience these sorts of things. But they only take up so much of the day. There are lots of hours to be filled with ordinary things.

My recent scanning of profiles shows that it is the top who is most likely to mention pleasure in horseback riding, baseball, jazz, entomology, theoretical physics and baking pies.

Bottoms are forever offering themselves as servants and targets. Tops look for that and a bit more.

Your own profile shouldn’t neglect to share your passions, enthusiasm and hobbies. I’ve lost count of how many kinky relationships began with a shared pleasure that had nothing to do with BDSM.

People generally meet for coffee or a meal. And it is more fun to think of spending time with someone who has more in them than the commonplace yearnings of the average submissive masochist.

Really many D/s couples have started with shared pleasure in an author or musician. Then progressed on to who is the finest maker of floggers.

Originally posted 2014-01-13 15:22:15.

Dominant vs Dominate

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Nude Male Slave BDSM Rope Bondage

When I see a profile in which the top says that he is a dominate rather than dominant I think: I can’t submit to an illiterate. (Untrue at least in my fantasies where … well you know … )

I have to confess that I’ve caught myself typing the wrong thing lots lately. Maybe I’m just a supercilious – but submissive – bastard.

It also bugs me when a woman calls herself a femdom.

As far as I can tell most people never realize their profiles are useless. And they rarely revise them unless it is to rant that nobody wants to serve them.

Originally posted 2014-01-12 20:48:03.

Advice : Penis Photos

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Being bisexual the site of a phallus induces no discomfort. But the first time a stranger sent me a photograph of his resting on his keyboard was still a bit of a surprise.

I’ve never known anybody to say they were thrilled to get a picture of some unknown person’s penis. Billions of people have one so they aren’t special. If you are trying to meet people online you may want to offer something more distinctive. Besides good manners should tell you to wait until you think the other person expresses an interest.

And submissive straight guys – do you really think that is what dominant women spend their nights thinking about? Actually it normally makes lists like The Five Most Annoying Things Men Do When Writing Dommes. Sending her one just about guarantees her only response will be to hit the delete key.

On gay sites – where enthusiasm for penises is a given – such photos don’t appear.

Originally posted 2013-12-23 15:25:26.

Odd Personal Ad

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Odd, almost unsettling word in the profile of a pair of men looking for slaves:

If your taking care of your family or parents, don’t tell me your looking to be a slave; too bad you assume your parents are gonna die soon. We are not here to wait for your parents to die off.

Naturally we want commitment if hoping for a serious power exchange relationship. But that these two dominants chose this wording only puts off a discerning reader.

Originally posted 2016-01-24 20:57:03.

She Asked For Ice Cream!!!!

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Master Taboo Nazi Sadist

I’ll call him Master Taboo: he boasts that he is one of the most dark, taboo and sadistic men on the planet.

He’s a heterosexual male dominant whose profile I’ve been following for a few weeks. It changes often. I wish I’d thought to clip some of his more notable statements.

What originally caught my attention: after a brutal S&M session a woman asked for ice cream. This seems to have sent the man into a fit of rage. How dare his slave feel anything other than suffering and shame.

OK, tops do get ticked off at too abrupt a mood change after a scene. But Master Taboo seems to expect his female slaves to feels degraded and abject every second of every day. I.e., he’s the sort of forgets that a slave is a human being however much he may find pleasure in objectifying her.

Sadistic Ice Cream

My thought was that he could give her some ice cream but make her eat it from a bowl on the floor. (My former beloved would’ve dropped it on the floor. No bowl.) He could’ve turned feeding her ice cream into part of the session.

For a longish time his profile was typical of the kind of top who bitches that there are no real slaves. No woman who met with him was willing to continue seeing him. They all fall short of his exalted standards. He isn’t attractive. He doesn’t sound like an especially gifted sadist. But he expects his fantasy made flesh.

More recently Master Taboo has taken to ranting at people who’ve written to him saying that he’s an abuser. I’m agnostic as to the truth of that. But he seems the kind of dominant who might well lose control.

Early on his profile declared that models and pretty women were tired of men catering them. An ugly man’s fondest dream. Now he says they make terrible slaves. He’s cashed one reality check.

I like dark sadists. Just not the delusional ones.

Originally posted 2013-05-15 14:30:01.

Verbal Tag

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When I first used the web to meet people I remember being startled by how incoherent they often were.

Instant messages looked like automobile license plates. And getting past the opening “how are you” seemed like moving glaciers.

And my few recent test experiences show no sign that the increased popularity of using the internet for finding partners for doing BDSM has made things any better.

If you are looking to bring some fantasies to life why not go ahead and say what those latent longings consist of?

Sometimes it is if you have to pry one word at a time out of someone who has written you. I’ve listed as both top and bottom and I’m long past worrying about grammar. (Not that ellipsis abuse doesn’t continue to annoy me.) Getting a concrete sentiment, specific desire is tough enough.

It is extra baffling when a top is both unable to spell and unwilling to say what he wants. I wouldn’t mind trying to gently top from the bottom for a novice dominant but I can’t do anything for them is they are hidden behind a verbal fog. A pity. There may be more potential with someone like that than a character that insists on capitalization protocol.

Originally posted 2015-12-26 05:54:39.

No Shows

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Female tops ( – it probably happens to male tops and submissive persons as well – ) recount stories of the man who never show up for a scheduled first date, Other dominant women express empathetic chagrin and submissive males wonder how anyone can be so foolish.

Dominant women often employ extensive vetting and screening in selecting guys to meet. Any sane person who uses the web to search for hookups and romance does likewise. That will never prove completely foolproof. Flakes and fools will always manage to slip past the most carefully conceived filters.

Why would a man invest time and energy in currying the interest of a dominant woman, achieve it and then fail to meet her.

He’s married or partnered or whatever the right term is for someone in a committed relationship with another person. That he not be is probably the first criterion: on the web nobody knows you are phony At least until.

Fears of being caught cheating or the lack of resources with which to cheat successfully stop many men from taking the final step. In a way the women are lucky. Becoming involved with him and then discovering his falsity would be worse than sipping coffee alone.

Just plain fear: this I suspect covers the majority of no shows. Fear of:

  • Exposure: of blackmail maybe but mostly of by some mysterious means that others will learn of their submissive sexuality. They fear being laughed at or damaging their career.
  • Fear of you, the woman. Whatever they may have written in the back of their minds an image of dominant women as pitiless, cruel creatures. They cultivate horrific fantasies that no one could really endure.
  • Fear of being found inadequate. Like so much to do with fetish and kink this is universal to all social-sexual interaction. Even though they may dream of a top mocking them as worthless that isn’t the same as meeting someone and being found literally and objectively not worth knowing.

There may also be men for whom negotiating and making the date is all they ‘need.’ Those acts are sufficiently sexually gratifying. Cynically they never plan to meet. But I think them rare.

How many men I wonder make the date, approach the location only to freeze and retreat. Maybe they watch for you across the street. Or just as they start to open the door to the restaurant selected for the appointed rendezvous stop and run away.

This isn’t to excuse their incivility. At the very least they could follow-up with an email admitting that they don’t want it takes to translate their desires into reality.

If a man has pissed you off by making a date and failing to arrive for it perhaps you can find vengeful comfort in this thought:

For perhaps the rest of his life the guy will regret that he wasn’t brave enough to meet you. And he’ll spend many nights wondering what might have been.

Originally posted 2013-04-16 09:29:52.

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