Notice those profiles where the top says they’ve been in the lifestyle for umpty years and this isn’t a game to them.?

Using game as an implicitly understood negative quality brings to mind something that irks me in many D/s personal ads. It implies there’s something wrong with having fun. Too often tops - excuse me, Masters and Mistresses - make kinky relationships sound as dour an enterprise as a Baptist Sunday School service.

Without pleasure, why bother?

As a man who once identified as exclusively queer the word lifestyle makes me cringe. Fundagelicals babble on about the gay lifestyle as if gay men and women went about homosexualizing all day long. As if same sex sexual and affectional orientation defined everything about how their days are lived.

And even if your BDSM relationship is in some sense 24/7 surely you do other things than exchange power all day long. Hopefully there’s room for affection and creativity.

What is the point of BDSM if there’s no romance, beauty or joy?

Actually for me a sadist’s profile can be one of the most sexy documents imaginable.

I don’t mean it needs to be all hot and slobbery. It needn’t go on at extended length about the particulars that thrill her or him.

A concise summation of the enjoyment that an intelligent and interesting person takes in making someone they find worth knowing hurt and suffer is plenty. Not that a few extra bits that captures the cheerful cruelty his willing suspension of autonomy isn’t welcome.

A good profile by a top can keep me from getting a good night’s sleep.

A very fair trade.

It is a common topic. I’ve certainly added my two cents. Probably often enough for it to add up to a quarter.

I’m talking about finding fault with bottoms’ responses to profiles.

Tops can be just as annoying.

A couple of responses to my own profiles brought this to mind. The first was so nutty that I just dismissed it. The second was more plausible. Neither I’ve decided were aimed at communication.

Occasionally I get comments from distant tops writing to say they like my profile and wishing me luck. The couple of responses I’m thinking of expressed interest even thought they read as if the writer hadn’t actually read my profile. The latter I’ve decided were aimed at eliciting passionate replies in which I steamily wrote of all the awful things I wanted done to me. To write porn for them to wank to.

This reminded me of a local top I’d communicated with some years back. I liked him well enough to give him my home phone number. He said I had a very sexy voice. This I’ll unblushingly confess didn’t cause me a second thought because I often heard that from women when I did survey research. It was near the end of what proved to be our final chat that I realized what was innocent chat for me was phone sex for him: that he was masturbating as we talked.

I’d be delighted to have someone to write perverse scenarios for but I don’t want to be tricked into it.