Silence & Hidden Resentments
Rare – if existing – is the couple that will have perfectly matching fetishes, symmetrical kinks.
For somebody who hates generalizations I make so many.
Of the straight couples I’ve known over the years it has in every single instance been the woman who ended the relationship, left the man.
Some of the women wanted more excitement, particularly more sexual pleasure. Some I think wanted a spouse who was less of a boy, who didn’t leave it to his wife to perform managerial and practical tasks.
And there were the women who after years of a seemingly happy marriage exploded with rage. These I felt after their children left no lost much of the direction of their lives. Felt they’d been deprived of fulfillment than motherhood. Perhaps had long felt that. But kept it suppressed. Then it boiled over with violence. Even a desire for revenge.
The guys were all kind, humane, intelligent men. They were ignorant or had been unwilling to see their spouse’s growing dissatisfaction. (They were all unambitious men: perhaps a coincidence.)
This was on my mind recently and prompted me to write about dissatisfactions in power exchange relationship. But I got sidetracked into emotional masochism. Leaving me with a poorly written note on the latter.
My friends’ failed love affairs put to mind how disparate expectations complicate and eventually put an end to kinky relationship.
All those male tops bitching about how “subs and slaves” aren’t real. That is they hookup with women (and men) who don’t really want to be treated like robots or human garbage 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. This is nothing more than the inability – perhaps on both sides – to accept that masturbatory fantasy can’t actually be lived in the real world.
Mostly it was submissive guys who are dissatisfied that the woman who tops or (ahem) owns him isn’t sufficiently dominant and sadistic.
You see it frequently with submissive men who have persuaded their wives and girlfriends to dominate them just a little bit. He is often pushing her to do more. And topping from the bottom: and knows it and wish he didn’t feel it necessary.
Really these men need to be honest and accept that the relationship is never going to match their desires. Separate, get a divorce: the longer it drags out the worse it will be in the end.
There are also couples in D/s relationships with unequal inclinations of some sort. He wants Mistress to be more demanding. Lots more demanding: mean and cruel. She’s content to control and spank him. When she’s in the mood. And does her best to oblige him when she can.
But it isn’t really enough. And his is submissive, possibly passive aggressive mind resentment is building up. Until the day he lashes out shocking her with his anger.
And aside from the crazy tops I mentioned above there are dominant men and women who grow frustrated because some desire, fetish isn’t fulfilled. The bottom pushes away but promises to try it soon. Soon never comes. Or as on arrival the safeword follows. One day the top berates the submissive lover or playmate for not meeting the agreement to satisfy the tops seemingly risk aware expectations.
The moral as always: is speak your mind. Communicate. Or one of you will be blaming the other.
Originally posted 2013-12-30 16:32:35.