People often send pointless malignant notes who offend them by simply having a certain preference or taste.

In the same-sex portion of my vanilla sexuality I prefer highly feminine, waifish, weak guys. The more ‘sissified’ the better.

On AOL many years ago a message from someone with a screenname like ‘bigbadbear’ asking me how dare I like such disgusting creatures as femme gay men. And his wasn’t the only communication bitching about my taste in male lovers.

On Recon I’ve been sent mysterious objurgations to “Grow up boi!” No explanation. Some thing or things in one of my profiles I guess. Writing back to ask what prompted the remark never garners a reply.

Yesterday on CollarMe a man wrote to tell me that it was offensive of me to have listed enemas as a soft limit. He’s over a thousand miles away so he isn’t planning on trying to meet me. Evidently the idea that someone might refuse one is disgusting for him to contemplate. (Soft Limits: I won’t do it the first time that I meet you But if we are going to see each other repeatedly then I’ll willingly submit to the act).

Nothing makes a man* less masterful than sending unasked for abuse from the anonymity of internet dating sites.

* No woman has ever sent me anything like that.

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Elsewhere I’ve criticized and suggested ways in which submissive guys might improve their profiles and personal ads. But many dominant (men) are just as bad.

I wouldn’t bother to bitch about tops who don’t know the difference between dominant and dominate. Or the men who think the ellipsis a universal punctuation mark.

What startles me is the (hope to be) Masters who post a profile and obviously never look at it a second time.

There’s a fellow who claims to be searching for a 14/7 relationship. I don’t believe his profile. I bet he really wants a 24/7 slave.

Another top must have copied and pasted his profile text from a word-processing program. What he wants a potential submissive person to read is interlarded with the sort of metadata that you get from MS Word and the like.

Both of these profiles have been up for a long stretch. The author of neither has never gone back to read what he wrote. As the frustration of not hearing from anyone continues each probably feels picked on by fate.

Speaking for my own branch of submissive masochist: one thing that a top must inspire is respect. Not writing a minimally intelligible, readable profile is a sure way to prevent respect from ever developing.

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Because my sexuality is fluid and mercurial I can say many different – even seemingly contradictory – things about my desires and needs that are all conditionally true.

In my online profiles I’ve tried various strategies for honestly capturing my sexual and affectional orientations. To be honest without confusing or overtaxing the reader.

A proper profile for myself as a submissive and masochistic man would need to be a small website of about twenty pages. Since my changes are slim I’ve never actually put out the effort to construct such. (Though I did create one consisting of several pages in the time shortly before Charles.)

What you may get out of my profiles is contingent on your expectations, inclinations and patience.

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In my opinion a Master is completed by his slave/pup – a successful Master is a Master who shapes his slave into reflecting his personality and brings out the features of the slave that enhances these. An owner who has the ability to be everything for his slave, who can take over the slave’s free will and make him totally submit to the slave life, that a true slave ultimately seeks: being fully owned and stripped of free will as well as not having to make any choices in his personal life.

Imagine having to be everything for someone. Only a egomaniac – or a hopelessly naïve person – could imagine achieving that status.

Hence a successful Master has embraced and acknowledged his superiority and wants to share his life with an inferior person. Such a Master will know his desired direction and means to get where he wants to go with his life. With him, in this process, make sure the slave works in the same direction, and pursues the same goals as his Master.

It is always important to remember: superiority is granted by the Department of Poetic Licenses, which are invalid in real space-time.

A slave is not a slave if not owned by a master! A successful slave is – in my opinion – a man who has willingly given up his freedom and free will, to a person who is his superior. A successful slave will go through fire and ice for his Master. He is fully obedient as he knows the Master will know best. The success in itself is not as much the submission, but the full acceptance and embracement of the mentality of the submissive within. The slave should be ready to totally submit on all levels, and give up every aspect of free will and let his Master be in charge of him with no exceptions!

Will the Master also plow through fire and ice for the slave? How is this different from any over-the-top relationship? This is what husbands and wives have been promising one another for ages. Sometimes they even do it.

A successful slave has eliminated every concept of self and embraced his Master and his Masters will totally.

Not being a Buddhist the idea of eliminating sense of self sounds disturbing. This kind of psychologically untenable expectation is just a disaster waiting to happen.

A successful Master slave relation is a relation where the Master respects the choice of the slave, and gives his slave meaning with the pursuit of becoming his object. Where the slave respects and obeys the master, and where the Master becomes more and more incorporated into the slave until the slave is no longer an individual, but has become an extension of his owner. A symbiosis, where both parts achieve the completion of what is ultimately the natural state of mind: the unification of two individual life’s into a higher state of life.

No longer an individual. Just a little slave robot with no personality. I’ve always been irked by all this higher state species of chatter. It just means the writer’s penis gets hard when he thinks of all this. And erections – like being drunk or stoned – often make men feel they are having or picturing experiences special profundity.

I don’t think the Master who wrote this is a bad person. A bit silly. And perhaps hoping for a relationship where any reason for insecurity, possibility of failure has been eliminated.

Not that I don’t understand the appeal – on both sides. But only fools forget that interpersonal entanglements are complicated, subject to capricious acts of god, health and so many other things.

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The top’s profile had a reasonable feel at first. The man seemed reasonable and mature. A bit ambiguous but it can be tough to both be specific and keep a range of options open when writing a profile.

When he got to outlining what he wanted in a slave it was the usual 24/7, total slave, no limits razzmatazz. But in summarizing his slave’s life there was an element that stood out starkly:

No future.

Now that seems a terrible thing to expect from someone or to want to subject anyone to.

Not that I was sure what he meant. My guess was that his slave would not grow, progress, develop, evolve: change in any way. Enslavement as a sort of personal stasis.

To be fair the inner life of many people freezes. They become unchanging bores. And spend the rest of their days in front of the TV set.

But I can’t imagine a submissive person with any creativity, spirit – real interest in life signing up for a form of slavery that entails anything like the lack of a future.

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The appeal for my submissive side of wearing a mask with slots for eyes is in imagining that the top can’t see who I am and might forget that it is not just some generic slave. The loss of identity contributes to a sense of unimportance.

That is fantasy, though it could be made part of those wonderful psychodramas where top and bottom conspire to suspend belief.

Recently I read a profile in which the master stated that his slave would have no individuality. That typifies perfectly something that is wrong with many D/s profiles and personal ads. The pretence that top and bottom, master/mistress and slave are interchangeable parts in a BDSM machine.

The master just wants “total obedience” and many a slave claims to offer just that. A few favorite fetishes might be mentioned but otherwise there are no specifics. No reason for one to want to meet the other than a specific role is filled.

The top as well as the bottom becomes s creature without individuality.

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Do U have a glass eye?

Nope. Though the vision in my right eye is so poor replacing it with an artificial eye would make little difference.

There was no reason for this man to think I had a glass -actually they are normally made of plastic like everything else nowadays – eyeball. I guess this highly specialized fetishist is writing to thousands of personal ads and profiles.

Imagine having such an unobjectionable but uncommon to the point of unfulfillable fetish.

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Dear Master For Slaves:

How kind of you it was for you to write me:

What u wanting boy

I want somebody who can write a sentence. I didn’t specify bad grammar and spelling as a kink of mine.

That your profile says you only want to hear from ‘real slaves’ doesn’t tell me anything. Who ever asks for responses from unreal slaves?

That your profile specifies that only are only interested in nearby slaves makes me wonder why you’d write to me since I’m over seventy-five miles away and don’t drive.

That your profile contains no other information tells me that we aren’t destined to meet.

I guess I don’t be wanting you.

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Some people look on BDSM as a source of free labor. Classical slavery as it were.

Here’s a man with very specific desires:

LOOKING FOR SLAVE WHO KNOW’S CONSTRUCTION WORK OR HANDY-MAN TO WORK AROUND MY HOUSE.

Manual labor, drudgery is a common fantasy for submissive people.

What is behind Curtain Number One?

In return I will let you be my slave!

Master Builder has a precisely layered level of rewards prepared.

You will start with your very own 4x4x6 room in my basement. If you perform well around my house you will be granted permission to have a larger room (possibly 6x6x8 with electric and maybe a fan – if your work is very good you will get your very own AM radio).

What is on AM radio nowadays? Rush Limbaugh?

I toyed with the idea this ad was a put-on. But …

You will be fed daily and clean at all times. You will be allowed to go out (1)x per week for (1)hour. You will be allowed to call your immediated family (1)x per week. YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO CALL YOUR FRIENDS.

Master/slave relations can have their cultic aspects. But when someone wants to cut you off from your friends in puts me in mind of the kind of cult that ends with people drinking Kool-Aid. Don’t hook up with anybody who wants to cut you off from the outside world.

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The judges weren’t expecting a winner any time soon when a surprise entry swept away the competition. The worst kinky profile to date:

I hate these things.

This beats out “I don’t know what to say.” At least that implies the person wants to write a profile. I feel sorry for the inarticulate: it is like being crippled; trapped inside your mind.

But to not even pretend to make an effort. I’m sure the author wonders why no one writes to him.

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