If your taking care of your family or parents, don’t tell me your looking to be a slave; too bad you assume your parents are gonna die soon. We are not here to wait for your parents to die off.

Naturally we want commitment if hoping for a serious power exchange relationship. But that these two dominants chose this wording only puts off a discerning reader.

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People often send pointless malignant notes who offend them by simply having a certain preference or taste.

In the same-sex portion of my vanilla sexuality I prefer highly feminine, waifish, weak guys. The more ‘sissified’ the better.

On AOL many years ago a message from someone with a screenname like ‘bigbadbear’ asking me how dare I like such disgusting creatures as femme gay men. And his wasn’t the only communication bitching about my taste in male lovers.

On Recon I’ve been sent mysterious objurgations to “Grow up boi!” No explanation. Some thing or things in one of my profiles I guess. Writing back to ask what prompted the remark never garners a reply.

Yesterday on CollarMe a man wrote to tell me that it was offensive of me to have listed enemas as a soft limit. He’s over a thousand miles away so he isn’t planning on trying to meet me. Evidently the idea that someone might refuse one is disgusting for him to contemplate. (Soft Limits: I won’t do it the first time that I meet you But if we are going to see each other repeatedly then I’ll willingly submit to the act).

Nothing makes a man* less masterful than sending unasked for abuse from the anonymity of internet dating sites.

* No woman has ever sent me anything like that.

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Elsewhere I’ve criticized and suggested ways in which submissive guys might improve their profiles and personal ads. But many dominant (men) are just as bad.

I wouldn’t bother to bitch about tops who don’t know the difference between dominant and dominate. Or the men who think the ellipsis a universal punctuation mark.

What startles me is the (hope to be) Masters who post a profile and obviously never look at it a second time.

There’s a fellow who claims to be searching for a 14/7 relationship. I don’t believe his profile. I bet he really wants a 24/7 slave.

Another top must have copied and pasted his profile text from a word-processing program. What he wants a potential submissive person to read is interlarded with the sort of metadata that you get from MS Word and the like.

Both of these profiles have been up for a long stretch. The author of neither has never gone back to read what he wrote. As the frustration of not hearing from anyone continues each probably feels picked on by fate.

Speaking for my own branch of submissive masochist: one thing that a top must inspire is respect. Not writing a minimally intelligible, readable profile is a sure way to prevent respect from ever developing.

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This short profile from someone in rural North Carolina gave me pause:

46yr old single father of two looking for a submissive, slave or switch to join me and my sons in kinky BDSM play

Genetic considerations aside I can see no justifications for the incest taboo assuming the two are fairly mature and sensible. Not that I find the idea exciting myself. I once did have a dream of having sex with my sister. I didn’t welcome that dream and am glad it never reoccurred.

But – call it cultural conditioning – something about a dad and his two sons binding, beating, sexually using the same woman leaves me inexorably queasy. Images of an inbred and dysfunctional redneck family flash into my mind. Perhaps unfairly.

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When I original read this guy’s profile I thought it a very good example of a positive profile by a likeable top. But there was nothing that could be cleanly excerpted.

Then he wrote me:

Although some others on this site similarly indicate that is what they are looking for, most of them only want one time meetings as such or only in role playing situation.

Your Hard limits seem reasonable and mean while your soft limits seem flexible enough that I believe we might be compatible.

I want you to read my profile, and keeping in mind that although I list several interests I clearly state that none of them are mandatory.

After reading it take the time to write back to me and let me know if you agree that we MIGHT be compatible.

None of that off-putting manner by strangers who think writing “Tell SIR why you should be allowed to become His worthless scum slave property” is a way to say hello.

The guy I quote above doesn’t drive, nor do I so nothing will come of that.

Fetish Meme | Fetish Pop Culture

Because my sexuality is fluid and mercurial I can say many different – even seemingly contradictory – things about my desires and needs that are all conditionally true.

In my online profiles I’ve tried various strategies for honestly capturing my sexual and affectional orientations. To be honest without confusing or overtaxing the reader.

A proper profile for myself as a submissive and masochistic man would need to be a small website of about twenty pages. Since my changes are slim I’ve never actually put out the effort to construct such. (Though I did create one consisting of several pages in the time shortly before Charles.)

What you may get out of my profiles is contingent on your expectations, inclinations and patience.

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Before I go on let me give you a little personal history.

My masochism and submissiveness grew in me even as a boy. But I was always too timid to take the risk of being in another’s power, being tied up. How I wish I’d overcome that earlier in life.

Since then I’ve had a relationship of which BDSM was a key part. In it I learned the satisfaction of letting go of my ego, surrendering my will, of adoring another. Once after a longish separation when I was down on my hands and knees performing boot worship I broke into tears because I was so happy.

Before that, several years ago I placed my first BDSM personal ads on the web. I did meet one amazing dominant sadist. I wish I’d dropped to my knees and kissed his boots the day I met him. But he was so polite I didn’t know if he would be interested in me. Instead I wound up in a vanilla relationship with someone else that makes the most intense sadomasochism seem tame.

My BDSM relationship ended because of practical issue. How I miss getting beaten and sitting on the floor.

Who am I looking for? A sadist I can respect and trust. Respect is the cornerstone of being able to surrender. By trust I don’t mean that you aren’t a maniac. I need someone who can protect me from insuring myself: I sometimes become non-verbal, even slip into a submissive trance and get confused by danger, e.g., a piece of broken glass.

More extensive and subtle issues of compatibility can only be resolved by conversation – email or in person – I’m very verbal, perhaps exasperatingly so. I do have fetishes. I don’t expect you to satisfy them unless you want to. Without your desire they aren’t worth pursuing. But for a relationship of any depth I expect the dominant to learn about me. Hopefully that information would be to the top’s benefit.

Bondage is very meaningful for me. Physical helplessness helps spark deeper submissive feelings. The inescapable limitation of chains is oddly comforting.

What do I want? To be able to meet with someone on a regular basis. When we are together, be it for a couple of hours or a weekend/week, I do what you command.

What about 24/7, lifestyle, Owner Supremacy? That requires a rare level of compatibility. Rare enough even among vanilla relationships. Certainly I’d like to find that. If possible.

I’m open to many different styles including Old Guard. I accept that protocols and rituals may be required. That I may need training and conditioning the better to behave as an inferior creature. So much is in unknowable details that they are better left to when a mutual interest has been established.

There is more to me than my slavishness and masochism. That may or may not matter to you depending on exactly what you are looking for. But people find long profiles tiring and more can be communicated later if there is justification.

Please understand that I do not cyber or engage in D/s role-playing online. An unknown stranger is not Owner. A bully isn’t a Master. The latter’s control of another stems from ability and talent. More than just an assertion. And I say that as a man who deeply desires to be on his hands and knees with his head bowed in reverent submission to one he honors as his superior.
The bad news:

I’m one of those people you read about who lost their house. I live in a house with my best and oldest friend. There isn’t much privacy when he is home.

I suffer from COPD. That means among other things that I have periods where I’m a bit weak. Though this has improved much over what it was like just a few months ago.

I’m fat. There’s no excuse for that. The hellish relationship mentioned above and the rotten health of last year contributed to this status. If only because of my health concerns I am slowly losing weight but we’re talking about a very long time. This is probably one of the reasons I fantasize about food control and starvation play.

My expectations are minimal. It doesn’t cost anything to try.

If you have any questions please ask. If you are into financial domination don’t waste your time.

Thanks for reading the profile. Best of luck to you in your own question for fulfillment.

Fetish Meme | Fetish Pop Culture

I’m hoping to meet someone who would enjoy hurting me on a regular or semi-regular basis.

Consensually inflicted pain and suffering makes me happy (if only the day after).

I’m open to S&M with or without role-playing and psychodrama. Dominance, a suggestion of violence or meanness can boost my masochism. I’m open to fantasy play scenarios. But not monomaniacs interested in, say, only nipple torture.

But just mutually exploring the effect of certain practices can be lots of fun.

Sadomasochistic play can be performed in many ways: high drama, playfully. S&M can even be hilarious at times. (Nothing like having someone weight your testicles by filling a bucket with potatoes.)

My experience has been limited to one LTR (now ended). There’s lots we never tried or explored in depth.

I’d like to try many things. But I don’t want a top to feel that I’m expecting to be serviced. Without the sadist’s delight I lose my masochistic superpower to process pain as pleasure. (Honestly – I think I erotized being spanked when I was eight – I like being hit so much I could imagine asking for a whipping as a favor.)

An experienced sadist has technique and knowledge of safety. A novice has lots of curiosity and an eagerness to try things. Either is welcome.

I’m only looking for someone who wants to do this on a steady basis. S&M is enriched by a growing mutual awareness.

I don’t drive. I also use a machine to provide extra oxygen. That isn’t as limiting as you might think. But I haven’t done any S&M with it. I can’t see why it would interfere with a caning or cbt.

Even worse: I’m fat. (Oops there you went!) And the trauma that caused this is no longer an even half-assed excuse. (Obviously I need a TPE with heavy dietary restrictions.)

Kinks and fetishes include: Abrasion, Bondage, Boot worship, CBT, Corporal punishment, Depersonalization, Face slapping, Genitorment, Hair pulling, Testicle bondage.

Hard Limits: C/capitalization protocol. Married men. Blood, breath play, cigars, diapers, feminization, fisting, scat, tickling. Public scenes or involving third parties. Soft Limits: anal insertables, enemas, plastic wrap and wax. I know safewords disappoint but being prepared for unforeseen emergencies seems wise. I don’t think of my submissive orientation as making me part of a lifestyle and have no interest in public venues.

Good humor and intelligence are joys.

Cruelty is cool. Typing in ALL CAPS isn’t. (And it is self-defeating. Studies show text in which all the words are capitalized is less likely to be read.)

I don’t role-play online. Ever. I resist chatting because of my repetitive stressed out fingers. Email is a better initial stage of communication.

Fetish Meme | Fetish Pop Culture

Do U have a glass eye?

Nope. Though the vision in my right eye is so poor replacing it with an artificial eye would make little difference.

There was no reason for this man to think I had a glass -actually they are normally made of plastic like everything else nowadays – eyeball. I guess this highly specialized fetishist is writing to thousands of personal ads and profiles.

Imagine having such an unobjectionable but uncommon to the point of unfulfillable fetish.

Fetish Meme | Fetish Pop Culture

Dear Master For Slaves:

How kind of you it was for you to write me:

What u wanting boy

I want somebody who can write a sentence. I didn’t specify bad grammar and spelling as a kink of mine.

That your profile says you only want to hear from ‘real slaves’ doesn’t tell me anything. Who ever asks for responses from unreal slaves?

That your profile specifies that only are only interested in nearby slaves makes me wonder why you’d write to me since I’m over seventy-five miles away and don’t drive.

That your profile contains no other information tells me that we aren’t destined to meet.

I guess I don’t be wanting you.

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