Some people are supposedly very service oriented. Happy to do tasks with no reward other than pleasing the top. Some pretend they are and are hoping they’ll get more satisfaction of some sort than they have to date.

Some people look on BDSM as a source of free labor. Classical slavery as it were.

Here’s a man with very specific desires:

LOOKING FOR SLAVE WHO KNOW’S CONSTRUCTION WORK OR HANDY-MAN TO WORK AROUND MY HOUSE.

Manual labor, drudgery is a common fantasy for submissive people.

What is behind Curtain Number One?

In return I will let you be my slave!

Master Builder has a precisely layered level of rewards prepared.

You will start with your very own 4×4x6 room in my basement. If you perform well around my house you will be granted permission to have a larger room (possibly 6×6x8 with electric and maybe a fan - if your work is very good you will get your very own AM radio).

What is on AM radio nowadays? Rush Limbaugh?

I toyed with the idea this ad was a put-on. But …

You will be fed daily and clean at all times. You will be allowed to go out (1)x per week for (1)hour. You will be allowed to call your immediated family (1)x per week. YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO CALL YOUR FRIENDS.

Master/slave relations can have their cultic aspects. But when someone wants to cut you off from your friends in puts me in mind of the kind of cult that ends with people drinking Kool-Aid. Don’t hook up with anybody who wants to cut you off from the outside world.

I’ve been getting fan mail today. Here’s what arrived in the space of about forty minutes:

1. I am a very submissive male in Raleigh that loves to crossdress
2. I love your profile Sir
3. i am a very submissive male crossdresser
4. your profile is so exciting to me Sir
5. I need to be controlled and mde to serve
6. gawd i would love serving you Sir

Pretty frantic isn’t he. Wouldn’t be surprised if I were the first person he’s ever written. I’ve told him to calm down and that recent changes in my life leaves me presently too distracted to deal with anyone.

(I’ll write about my top profile later, though it may be on Down On My Knees.)

I’ve alluded to multiple profiles - and my own use of them - before. Recently as if in solution to an invisible puzzle I ran across a serial profile writer.

(If the profile names are in use by someone online it is merely coincidence.)

From an issue of Honcho.

Many months back Master 4 Real Slaves wrote that he guaranteed male slaves three things: nourishing food, shelter to keep out the weather and trips to the doctor. Everything else about the slave’s life would be determined by his whim with no option for disagreement. It was a good fantasy profile actually, though clearly he was really looking for someone.

Later Master 4 Slave Animals appeared. The master was - presumably still is - looking for a slave that acknowledged its inferiority. He had quite an authoritarian setup in mind. Diet, clothing, even sleeping position would be controlled. And:

Waste removal: when, where, and how you will be allowed to defecate or urinate.

The master is retired and has nothing else to do with his time. And again I’ll admit it made for good wanking matter.

Who should come along but Master 4 Born Slaves. He was in a loquacious mood when he wrote this profile, sharing such details as the “nice mushroom head” of his penis.

The profile is quite a mix. This profile is as totalitarian as the preceding two. But he addresses the importance of shared interests and the mechanics of relocation. There’s enough good sense that if he guy understood negotiation and safewords and lived nearby I’d at least be interested in a play date.

It was with the third profile I noticed that all three were from the same small city, and gave the same height, weight and age. I started digging.

And discovered Master 4 Female Slaves. This profile didn’t seem nearly as heated up as the ones addressed to men.

And - behold - Master 4 Blacks. Same guy for sure, this time looking for cyber cock worship by African-American men.

There were at least a couple more but they had no outstanding characteristics.

I also felt I found a slave profile by the guy. Seeking - yes! - absolute control.

This man is easily mocked. But I understand his struggle.

I’ve written many profiles (without having them all up at once) trying to capture the nuances of what I’d like. And I’m open to a variety of things. More so than most people.

But profiles that express complicated sexuality confuse, even repel people. I’m often tempted to dismiss the confused reader but that only limits my already slim chances.

How many profiles do you have?

Have you ever noticed those personal ads that say something like:

I want a 24/7 slave. Must be completely willing to obey all orders at all times.

Real slaves only. No fakes, part-timers, scene players, phoneys, fake slaves, wannabes, Your goal must be to please me with no thought for yourself and nothing else.

I am real. UB2!

And how they have the same ad running five years later, there account is active and they are still looking.

Even though there are bottoms advertising:

I am a real slave and masochist. I want a Lord and Master who will teach me true and total slavery. I will have no rights and ask for no pity or compassion. Train me and use me for your pleasure. Abuse me and hurt me. I will be nothing and you will grind me into the dust.

Your future worthless dog slave.

Ads like that run forever as well.

Why don’t they get together?

Because they are propounding what for most people is unlivable. And as long as they cling to these hopeless extremes of M/s lives they’ll stay single. And they seem willing to do so forever.

Is this a sane choice?