Actually for me a sadist’s profile can be one of the most sexy documents imaginable.

I don’t mean it needs to be all hot and slobbery. It needn’t go on at extended length about the particulars that thrill her or him.

A concise summation of the enjoyment that an intelligent and interesting person takes in making someone they find worth knowing hurt and suffer is plenty. Not that a few extra bits that captures the cheerful cruelty his willing suspension of autonomy isn’t welcome.

A good profile by a top can keep me from getting a good night’s sleep.

A very fair trade.

(It wasn’t long after I discovered that I could enjoy being dominated and tormented by a woman that I created a micro-site on Geocities (remember that?) focusing on my submissive side. I don’t know why I thought a little story would be an effective way to communicate my sense of the - ? - proprieties. To my surprise response from the women who ran across it was positive and kind. Of course they all lived hundreds or thousands of miles away: a condition that persists to this day.)

“A strong arm and a stinging paddle are the best training tools.”

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(This is about eight years old.)

When I first started making the acquaintance of gay men who wear pretty dresses I was startled by the undercurrent of masochism. Not that I have anything against masochism. But the transvestites’ craving for humiliation seemed to emerge from their image of womanhood.

Crossdresser sexism troubled me. Happy satisfaction in crossdressing often involves pleasure in recreating traditional gender roles as much as flouting the norms. That they guys wanted to express their femininity by being spanked was off-putting. No condemnation is meant; it is an axiom of urbanity that sexuality simply is. Sex is evil only without consent.

I read little erotica (although I did read a recent femsub novel in the shop last week, title forgotten, it was remarkably well-written). I’ve written a half dozen fragments of erotica. I don’t have a narrative gift and am deaf to idiomatic dialogue. They were written to help me explore some facet of my sexuality. Below is my attempt to come to grips with transvestite humiliation. If sexual power exchange repels you don’t read any further.

The penultimate paragraph is the key.

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