Suffering for the pleasure of a sadist who enjoys it fulfills me in a profound and special way. I am a physical and emotional masochist. With the latter, degradation takes me deeper into slave emotional space – humility and worship – because as I become more lowly my Owner becomes more exalted.
Before I go on let me give you a little personal history.
My masochism and submissiveness grew in me even as a boy. But I was always too timid to take the risk of being in another’s power, being tied up. How I wish I’d overcome that earlier in life.
Since then I’ve had a relationship of which BDSM was a key part. In it I learned the satisfaction of letting go of my ego, surrendering my will, of adoring another. Once after a longish separation when I was down on my hands and knees performing boot worship I broke into tears because I was so happy.
Before that, several years ago I placed my first BDSM personal ads on the web. I did meet one amazing dominant sadist. I wish I’d dropped to my knees and kissed his boots the day I met him. But he was so polite I didn’t know if he would be interested in me. Instead I wound up in a vanilla relationship with someone else that makes the most intense sadomasochism seem tame.
My BDSM relationship ended because of practical issue. How I miss getting beaten and sitting on the floor.
Who am I looking for? A sadist I can respect and trust. Respect is the cornerstone of being able to surrender. By trust I don’t mean that you aren’t a maniac. I need someone who can protect me from insuring myself: I sometimes become non-verbal, even slip into a submissive trance and get confused by danger, e.g., a piece of broken glass.
More extensive and subtle issues of compatibility can only be resolved by conversation – email or in person – I’m very verbal, perhaps exasperatingly so. I do have fetishes. I don’t expect you to satisfy them unless you want to. Without your desire they aren’t worth pursuing. But for a relationship of any depth I expect the dominant to learn about me. Hopefully that information would be to the top’s benefit.
Bondage is very meaningful for me. Physical helplessness helps spark deeper submissive feelings. The inescapable limitation of chains is oddly comforting.
What do I want? To be able to meet with someone on a regular basis. When we are together, be it for a couple of hours or a weekend/week, I do what you command.
What about 24/7, lifestyle, Owner Supremacy? That requires a rare level of compatibility. Rare enough even among vanilla relationships. Certainly I’d like to find that. If possible.
I’m open to many different styles including Old Guard. I accept that protocols and rituals may be required. That I may need training and conditioning the better to behave as an inferior creature. So much is in unknowable details that they are better left to when a mutual interest has been established.
There is more to me than my slavishness and masochism. That may or may not matter to you depending on exactly what you are looking for. But people find long profiles tiring and more can be communicated later if there is justification.
Please understand that I do not cyber or engage in D/s role-playing online. An unknown stranger is not Owner. A bully isn’t a Master. The latter’s control of another stems from ability and talent. More than just an assertion. And I say that as a man who deeply desires to be on his hands and knees with his head bowed in reverent submission to one he honors as his superior.
The bad news:
I’m one of those people you read about who lost their house. I live in a house with my best and oldest friend. There isn’t much privacy when he is home.
I suffer from COPD. That means among other things that I have periods where I’m a bit weak. Though this has improved much over what it was like just a few months ago.
I’m fat. There’s no excuse for that. The hellish relationship mentioned above and the rotten health of last year contributed to this status. If only because of my health concerns I am slowly losing weight but we’re talking about a very long time. This is probably one of the reasons I fantasize about food control and starvation play.
My expectations are minimal. It doesn’t cost anything to try.
If you have any questions please ask. If you are into financial domination don’t waste your time.
Thanks for reading the profile. Best of luck to you in your own question for fulfillment.
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You make me ache a little, you know.
That is a very mutual ache.