The mere discomfort alone is exciting.

But imagine being forced to skip a couple of meals and then join your top at supper time.

Bondage is kind of dreamy.

Fetish Meme | Fetish Pop Culture

Boyfriend in a Box

As BDSM boxing scenarios go this is a fairly light one. Some of my most psychologically brutal fantasies involve being boxed. Despite my real inclinations in the direction of emotional masochism I doubt that I’d really have the same capacity as I do with strong physical pain.

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So all those dreams of being left hanging and helpless had to be put aside.

Legs are stronger aren’t they? Aren’t they?

Well, a beating is still a beating.

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Illustration by Juan Puyal.

I think you’ll find that verbal humiliation is one of those things that grows easier as you do it. (BTW, I’m a fan of switches and interested in BDSM as erotic play, not a lifestyle.)

The most common form of spoken degradation is to attack the guy’s masculinity. Telling him that he’s a sissy, a bitch, wimp. Some men get a thrill out of having the size of their penises mocked. None of this works for me personally but this is the most popular kind of harsh talking.

Related is men who want to be condemned because of their gender. They are inferior because they are male.

Slut seems to be a frequent word. Again, not for me. But it always implies the man has a sexually healthy appetite in a backhanded way.

Much spoken humiliation is fairly generic: “You are worthless!”

From my own perspective what you say only matters so much. It is the harsh or sarcastic tone that sends my spinal column into a frenzy.

Some tops fear seeming too theatrical, stiff and fake. If a man is feeling submissive he isn’t usally in the mood to practice literary criticism. He just helplessly responds.

Generally I think it is a bad idea to humiliate someone for something that genuinely troubles him in everyday life. E.g., if he’s overweight. A very few find it therapeutic. But unless you are sure you may kill the scene, even the relationship.

What you know about him will really be your guide.

You don’t seem like the kind of person who needs to be reminded of aftercare. This can be a really deep form of power exchange.

Original context: Creativity & Variety in D/s

Fetish Meme | Fetish Pop Culture

Fetish Meme | Fetish Pop Culture

• I don’t want the site to go so long without fresh material.
• I’m not sure that I want some of this on Queer Pop Culture where I’ve allowed the kink quotient to rise higher than intended.

Thanks to the fantasy adventure movies of my childhood I saw men being tortured on the rack as a boy. As my youthful masochism emerged being stretched out and tormented on such a rack was frequent feature in the little sadomasochistic playlets I told myself in bed.

Knowledge may bring power but even more so an awareness of limitations. Joints and ligaments are easily overstressed or even torn. So barring an exceptionally able sadist in a very mild scene racks aren’t that great a reality. Especially as you age.

Fetish Meme | Fetish Pop Culture

Fetish Meme | Fetish Pop Culture

Don’t unwrap until Christmas?

Fetish Meme | Fetish Pop Culture

Elsewhere I’ve criticized and suggested ways in which submissive guys might improve their profiles and personal ads. But many dominant (men) are just as bad.

I wouldn’t bother to bitch about tops who don’t know the difference between dominant and dominate. Or the men who think the ellipsis a universal punctuation mark.

What startles me is the (hope to be) Masters who post a profile and obviously never look at it a second time.

There’s a fellow who claims to be searching for a 14/7 relationship. I don’t believe his profile. I bet he really wants a 24/7 slave.

Another top must have copied and pasted his profile text from a word-processing program. What he wants a potential submissive person to read is interlarded with the sort of metadata that you get from MS Word and the like.

Both of these profiles have been up for a long stretch. The author of neither has never gone back to read what he wrote. As the frustration of not hearing from anyone continues each probably feels picked on by fate.

Speaking for my own branch of submissive masochist: one thing that a top must inspire is respect. Not writing a minimally intelligible, readable profile is a sure way to prevent respect from ever developing.

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People outside of D/s are just as baffled when those things happen to them.

It took me far too many years to catch on the psychology of this kind of behavior. People often won’t tell you why they are dissatisfied with a relationship. They may not even tell you that they aren’t happy and fulfilled. They’d rather just retreat and hide.

Despite all the social aggression we witness most people are reluctant – afraid – to cause a fuss, endure friction or be thought a ‘negative’ person. They’d rather hide in silence, retreat behind walls.

Have you ever applied for a job only to find it nearly impossible to discover whether or not you’ve been hired? You haven’t but the person who chose someone else gets his or her stomach in a knot at the prospect of telling you. So they hide behind their secretary.

Many years back the stress that bosses felt when firing employees caused ‘dehiring’ consultants to do the dirty work for them. Corporations paid fat fees so managers wouldn’t have to look a discarded employee in the face.

It is the same weird timidity at work.

Similarly in the most conventional romance people will suddenly become unable for a date. They claim to be too busy with work or school. They’d rather invest huge amounts of time contorting themselves than admitting that something about the relationship hasn’t worked for them. And rather let it end than cope with the emotional risks of being open enough to discover if there is a solution.

Some fear appearing in a bad light. Others just want to move on if the thrill they expected wasn’t found.

A bottom may have found what he or she was experiencing boring. Boring in a way that left them without any desire to continue. While enduring ennui can be a part of submission it can just be tedious and nothing more.

Or the bottom may find some experiences uncomfortable and unsatisfying. But be trapped by that. Emotional state that leaves a bottom unwilling or unable to complain and explain. So they just give up.

Tops may feel that their authority or competence has been challenged. There are tops that feel confused or guilty about this. The ability to negotiate vanishes and they lapse into silence. While tops are mere mortals like the rest of it some find admitting that unendurable.

Unconfident, playmates and lovers would rather let a relationship die than undergo the demands of honest discussion, the challenge of emotionally naked conversation.

This is sad. The shy man or woman, rendered unwilling o speak loses a valued friend in fearful silence. And as those who can push past these fears can attest many of the best relationships are built on foundations that looked rocky at first.

It hurts to be shut out. Equally it hurts to be the one closing the door.

Fetish Meme | Fetish Pop Culture