Because my sexuality is fluid and mercurial I can say many different – even seemingly contradictory – things about my desires and needs that are all conditionally true.

In my online profiles I’ve tried various strategies for honestly capturing my sexual and affectional orientations. To be honest without confusing or overtaxing the reader.

A proper profile for myself as a submissive and masochistic man would need to be a small website of about twenty pages. Since my changes are slim I’ve never actually put out the effort to construct such. (Though I did create one consisting of several pages in the time shortly before Charles.)

What you may get out of my profiles is contingent on your expectations, inclinations and patience.

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Before I go on let me give you a little personal history.

My masochism and submissiveness grew in me even as a boy. But I was always too timid to take the risk of being in another’s power, being tied up. How I wish I’d overcome that earlier in life.

Since then I’ve had a relationship of which BDSM was a key part. In it I learned the satisfaction of letting go of my ego, surrendering my will, of adoring another. Once after a longish separation when I was down on my hands and knees performing boot worship I broke into tears because I was so happy.

Before that, several years ago I placed my first BDSM personal ads on the web. I did meet one amazing dominant sadist. I wish I’d dropped to my knees and kissed his boots the day I met him. But he was so polite I didn’t know if he would be interested in me. Instead I wound up in a vanilla relationship with someone else that makes the most intense sadomasochism seem tame.

My BDSM relationship ended because of practical issue. How I miss getting beaten and sitting on the floor.

Who am I looking for? A sadist I can respect and trust. Respect is the cornerstone of being able to surrender. By trust I don’t mean that you aren’t a maniac. I need someone who can protect me from insuring myself: I sometimes become non-verbal, even slip into a submissive trance and get confused by danger, e.g., a piece of broken glass.

More extensive and subtle issues of compatibility can only be resolved by conversation – email or in person – I’m very verbal, perhaps exasperatingly so. I do have fetishes. I don’t expect you to satisfy them unless you want to. Without your desire they aren’t worth pursuing. But for a relationship of any depth I expect the dominant to learn about me. Hopefully that information would be to the top’s benefit.

Bondage is very meaningful for me. Physical helplessness helps spark deeper submissive feelings. The inescapable limitation of chains is oddly comforting.

What do I want? To be able to meet with someone on a regular basis. When we are together, be it for a couple of hours or a weekend/week, I do what you command.

What about 24/7, lifestyle, Owner Supremacy? That requires a rare level of compatibility. Rare enough even among vanilla relationships. Certainly I’d like to find that. If possible.

I’m open to many different styles including Old Guard. I accept that protocols and rituals may be required. That I may need training and conditioning the better to behave as an inferior creature. So much is in unknowable details that they are better left to when a mutual interest has been established.

There is more to me than my slavishness and masochism. That may or may not matter to you depending on exactly what you are looking for. But people find long profiles tiring and more can be communicated later if there is justification.

Please understand that I do not cyber or engage in D/s role-playing online. An unknown stranger is not Owner. A bully isn’t a Master. The latter’s control of another stems from ability and talent. More than just an assertion. And I say that as a man who deeply desires to be on his hands and knees with his head bowed in reverent submission to one he honors as his superior.
The bad news:

I’m one of those people you read about who lost their house. I live in a house with my best and oldest friend. There isn’t much privacy when he is home.

I suffer from COPD. That means among other things that I have periods where I’m a bit weak. Though this has improved much over what it was like just a few months ago.

I’m fat. There’s no excuse for that. The hellish relationship mentioned above and the rotten health of last year contributed to this status. If only because of my health concerns I am slowly losing weight but we’re talking about a very long time. This is probably one of the reasons I fantasize about food control and starvation play.

My expectations are minimal. It doesn’t cost anything to try.

If you have any questions please ask. If you are into financial domination don’t waste your time.

Thanks for reading the profile. Best of luck to you in your own question for fulfillment.

Fetish Meme | Fetish Pop Culture

I’m hoping to meet someone who would enjoy hurting me on a regular or semi-regular basis.

Consensually inflicted pain and suffering makes me happy (if only the day after).

I’m open to S&M with or without role-playing and psychodrama. Dominance, a suggestion of violence or meanness can boost my masochism. I’m open to fantasy play scenarios. But not monomaniacs interested in, say, only nipple torture.

But just mutually exploring the effect of certain practices can be lots of fun.

Sadomasochistic play can be performed in many ways: high drama, playfully. S&M can even be hilarious at times. (Nothing like having someone weight your testicles by filling a bucket with potatoes.)

My experience has been limited to one LTR (now ended). There’s lots we never tried or explored in depth.

I’d like to try many things. But I don’t want a top to feel that I’m expecting to be serviced. Without the sadist’s delight I lose my masochistic superpower to process pain as pleasure. (Honestly – I think I erotized being spanked when I was eight – I like being hit so much I could imagine asking for a whipping as a favor.)

An experienced sadist has technique and knowledge of safety. A novice has lots of curiosity and an eagerness to try things. Either is welcome.

I’m only looking for someone who wants to do this on a steady basis. S&M is enriched by a growing mutual awareness.

I don’t drive. I also use a machine to provide extra oxygen. That isn’t as limiting as you might think. But I haven’t done any S&M with it. I can’t see why it would interfere with a caning or cbt.

Even worse: I’m fat. (Oops there you went!) And the trauma that caused this is no longer an even half-assed excuse. (Obviously I need a TPE with heavy dietary restrictions.)

Kinks and fetishes include: Abrasion, Bondage, Boot worship, CBT, Corporal punishment, Depersonalization, Face slapping, Genitorment, Hair pulling, Testicle bondage.

Hard Limits: C/capitalization protocol. Married men. Blood, breath play, cigars, diapers, feminization, fisting, scat, tickling. Public scenes or involving third parties. Soft Limits: anal insertables, enemas, plastic wrap and wax. I know safewords disappoint but being prepared for unforeseen emergencies seems wise. I don’t think of my submissive orientation as making me part of a lifestyle and have no interest in public venues.

Good humor and intelligence are joys.

Cruelty is cool. Typing in ALL CAPS isn’t. (And it is self-defeating. Studies show text in which all the words are capitalized is less likely to be read.)

I don’t role-play online. Ever. I resist chatting because of my repetitive stressed out fingers. Email is a better initial stage of communication.

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Honestly at this point I’m fatalistic about my chances. But there is no harm in presenting a profile and seeing what time and luck bring.

I hesitate to call myself a slave: people attach such specific meanings to the word. Instead I prefer to say that enslavement is something I aspire to.

Within D/s I’m happiest when my own volition seems to vanish, obedience is instant and effortless.

I’m a physical and emotional masochist a need for pain, degradation and misery is part of my sexual orientation.

I feel a need to become an inferior controlled creature; to worship a master as my god. Deifying people is nothing new. I see myself kneeling in humility and thankfulness.

I seek a M/s relationship. Someone to engage in TPE sessions with. Perhaps more: depends on the mysteries of interpersonal chemistry. What about 24/7/365? It is hard for vanilla people to find life-partners. I don’t rule fulltime M/s out but figure it unlikely.

Without the sadist’s pleasure in my pain and suffering I might as well stump my toe.

My ideal master knows that even with the best intentions the slave state isn’t always easily reached. I tend to see him as manipulative, using rules, ritualized humiliations, conditioning to help me find and stay in humble, grateful, worshipful slave emotional space.

A bottom that is verbal and has opinions doesn’t threaten him. He is confident of his control. And doesn’t feel knowing his slave’s kinks and fetishes obliges him to make them happen but may provide him with keys to get the responses he wants.

I desire to experience his wrath and be punished. Not that I’d ever intentionally anger him or do something wrong. That would be cheating. But I do crave this sort of dark surrender. To be treated as worthless: kicked and slapped on. But not all the time.

Some of what I’m seeking could be thought of abuse but it isn’t that simple.

I also relish the role of human pet. Not the faux dog fetish. But acting as a domesticated human being that comports itself as a pet when eating, moving about, happy to be at its owner’s feet.

Perhaps it will all be impersonal. Not that there is necessarily a contradiction between servility and masochism and affection and companionship. M/s relationships vary. I can’t predict what might happen with a man who is currently a stranger.

Jut because I’m seeking someone to hit and mock me doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate other qualities. Like humor, compassion, individuality, originality.

Kinks and fetishes include: Abrasion, awkward bondage. begging, Boot/foot worship, Canes, whips & quirts. confinement, depersonalization, face slapping, genitorment, hair pulling, hoods, human furniture, leash & collar, objectification, orgasm denial, restrictions, testicle bondage.

Hard Limits: C/capitalization protocol. Blood, breath play, feminization (verbal okay), fisting, scat, tickling. Public scenes or involving third parties. Soft Limits: anal insertables, enemas, plastic wrap and wax. I know safewords disappoint but being prepared for unforeseen emergencies seems wise. I don?t think of my submissive orientation as making me part of a lifestyle or subculture and have no interest in fetish venues.

I don’t cyber or role-play online. Nor do BDSM at a distance. I just don?t have the capacity. I resist chatting because of my long-standing repetitive stressed out fingers. Emails are responded to honestly and in depth.

CAVEAT: I’m fat. I walk around my house with a breathing tube attached to my nose. But my limitation doesn’t limit me as much as you might think.

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This profile is a work in perpetual progress and will be amended expanded on and off.

I feel that I need to do two things to make myself properly ready to again be worthy of another’s control. 1) Quit smoking. 2) Lose weight. Or at least establish a dietary pattern that insures future weightloss.

Communication from anyone is welcome. And I’m secure enough and free enough to be able to meet people just for a cup of coffee.

(Because some people may find this profile too nonspecific I’m working on a document to capture some of my feelings about strict M/s. I may do the same for other modes.)

There are, as it were, two profiles in progress here. I’m open to simple scenes or to far more. It is a matter of how luck and opportunities work out. Should you see anything below that seems to match your desires I hope you’ll let me know. While I’m unsure of how to present myself, I’ll do my best to be honest with you even if it is to regretfully explain to you why I’m not the person you need.

I’m going to slowly ad to the profile as time permits. It may seem a funny way to put it but one of the things I’ll try to share is why you might not want to bother with me. That isn’t a lack of self-esteem: my hope is to be ruthlessly honest.

Masochism
I do enjoy pain. Especially devices like whips and quirts. Canes are harder for me to process. But we tried many things: wooden spoons, the Warternberg pinwheel, clothespins. I believe that I am willing to explore almost anything with a risk aware top. Since I’ve only experienced S&M with one person I’m sure that at first it will be like learning it all over again.

Power Exchange
I use the most neutral term because I’m trying to keep away from assumptions and stereotypes. While people talk about ‘true’ ways D/s is performed in many different ways.I’m trying to keep my expectations minimal and open.

I don’t call myself a slave because in BDSM people often attach a specific meaning to it. For me slavery is an emotional state that I aspire to. Particularly what I think of as the ‘slave trance’ when my own will really does seem to vanish. Getting there isn’t always easy.

Submission, which I often think of as surrender is something that can make me happy. Strictly speaking impersonal D/s is not something I absolutely rule out. Were a dominant to say that he or she wanted X and expected Y and those things matched my needs I would probably do my best to please.

D/s can include friendship and affection. I think that people tend to continue to be involved / play together longer if either is present. But some seek pure power exchange and nothing else.

Love? The most loaded word in the English language. And very hard to find. I am not looking for it. I will not avoid it.

Ideal Dominant
I’m not looking for that.

I am looking for someone willing to talk, particularly in the early stages. I want to offer myself to more than just a title or role. For lack of a perfect word let me say that I would like to respect the person as an individual. (And, it may seem inappropriate to say this, but I know some novice tops feel various sorts of insecurity. I’m not expecting anyone to overawe me with their awesomeness.)

For now I just expect to roll with the flow and see what possibilities present themselves. Even outside D/s I tend to adapt to what others want.

24/7 TPE / Lifestyle
For me this is a very hot fantasy. But I don’t know that I could live it. Maybe someone will one day change my mind. For now all I can say is that I hope to find someone before whom I will be compliant and worshipful when we are together.

Training
My prior relationship was very romantic and BDSM was only a part of it. We seamlessly went in out of of D/s and conventional interaction. Like many bottoms I have training fantasies – particularly of psychological and emotional manipulation – very strict discipline, deprivations designed to induce the desired behavior. But no real experience. I understand that someone that I would be spending time with regularly may want to train me to insure that how I act pleases them.

Protocols
Again only something I know as a fantasy right now. I do understand that specific speech and mannerisms may be expected of me.

Fetishes
Naturally I have one of those checklists. Seems a good way to quickly spot harmonies or incompatabilities.

Service top and topping from the bottom are things too easily tossed about. Letting you know what excites me isn’t about making demands. Hopefully it is a way of telling you about things that if you will enjoy them let you know how to get that look on my face you want to see. My desires tend to be things that help me reach surrender, servility. Or maybe something I want will be an interesting way of causing suffering that hadn’t come to your mind before. If we share none of these then there’s no reason to meet.

What I Need Most of All
At least for more than a random scene. If there is no exchange of thoughts and feelings then there won’t really be a possibility of sustained interaction. I want some of what thrills me to thrill you. Except in special circumstances – like exploring my limits – in D/s I have trouble asking for something. If the top doesn’t enjoy it there is no pleasure for me.

Prior Relationship
Was with a mtf pre-op transsexual: to me a woman. (My sexuality means I enjoy all genders.) It ended because we were only able to spend three months together at a time followed by months of separation. This was a romance of which BDSM was one component. Though D/s became increasingly important. E.g., she gave me a quick caning when I came home from work so we’d have at least some expression of roles. Increasingly I sat on the floor even if there were no overt power exchange going on (unsurprisingly doing that prompted many submissive gestures from me).

Me On the Web
I founded a small but high quality forum. I have moderately well known personal blog and some other kink themed sites. Two sites have published interviews with me. Sardax recently did an illustration on a short sketch of mine. Please don’t see this as any sort of boasting. I’m just trying to give you more context.

To Be Continued
This profile is not yet finished. Feedback and responses, including criticism are welcome.
A relationship of three years has ended by mutual agreement. Having an ocean between us and being able to spend limited time together at last proved too much.

It is my hope to meet a local sadist. Ideally a dominant person but pure S&M can be plenty of fun.

But I’m sensible enough to know that I shouldn’t rush right out and pursue a new relationship. I need to make sure that I am ready before I begin. I’m currently thinking that I will wait until after Christmas. That isn’t important to me but it consumes many peoples’ time. Though I may simply do it as soon as this profile is properly finished.

Not that I don’t welcome conversation with local folks of all sorts.

Fetish Meme | Fetish Pop Culture