Entries Tagged 'Gender and Sexuality' ↓

Very long and ver self-involved. No kink. I don’t particularly suggest that you read it. I put it here because for me it is natural companion to In Praise of Feminine Gay Males.

One of my favorite people in all of space and time.

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In my note about the foolish men who think photographs of their phallus is the best way to present themselves this remark inspired a little skepticism:

On gay sites - where enthusiasm for penises is a given - such photos don’t appear.

Ok, there are nitwits everywhere. But I’ve never seen a cock shot on, say, Slaves4Masters.

You see a gay man with even a modestly successful sex life will see more penises within a year or two of coming out than most women will in their lifetimes. Gay men certainly like penises but aren’t devastated by the site of one. And know that unless they are singularly blest theirs won’t inspire awe.

The straight guy - and frustrated closeted bisexual - only knows his own. It is one of the focal points of his universe.

But thinking about it I’ve come to suspect that he isn’t necessarily trying to impress anyone when he posts that photo. He really thinks that is what is valued about him. Hence all the money that is spent on worthless herbal enlargement pills and phalloplasty.

(No kink here. Sums up my queer sexuality but it too long and obsessive for any but the like minded to read. Writte nover five years ago.)

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Psychology of the Sissymaid

When I first encountered the subcultures of femdom and heterosexual male submission it was almost as if I’d fallen into a parallel dimension. I started to say time machine but while some of the underlying assumptions made me think of 1950s TV sitcom gender roles it was all too askew to hark back to Donna Reed or Ward and June Cleaver.

It was all so damnably sexist. You see I don’t have friends who begin sentences with “women are … ” or “men are … ” Not a one. Most of the past decades have been spent without a television set. I don’t buy slick magazines. Foolish me I thought this had all gone the way of cars with tail fins and McCarthyism.

Foolish me indeed. Femdom caused me to become aware of Dr. John Gray, a thinker on the same lofty plane as Elise Sutton. Rendering the normal majority invisible is a nice thing but can leave you vastly ignorant of your fellow man. Female executives and feminist theory haven’t actually dispelled gender stereotyping.

Eventually I got over feeling as if I’d stepped in something icky and began to see. Really I repeated an extension of, if not empathy, understanding that followed my discovery that I found some transvestites sexually alluring. Many crossdressers - being born male - have (dated) conventional male clichéd image of what being female implies. Femininity means pleasing the male, being subservient. Most transvestites are submissive; many are masochists.

Similarly I found that many closeted bisexual men who lived as heterosexuals - mostly married - wanted to bottom. Not just in the physical sense of surrendering their sphincter muscle. There was usually a subtle - or vivid - wish to be dominated. To be rendered less masculine.

Reading bogus blogs and fantasies presented as fact it seemed to me that many submissive men are unacknowledged transvestites and bisexuals. That is why they want the woman to ‘force’ them to wear panties. And cuckold fantasies often feature the man servicing the wife’s bull.

I can’t see any value in judging these men. Not to deny that I often find their emotional gymnastics distasteful. Watching someone fib to themselves is always ugly. But fairness requires that we admit that struggling to face up to certain truths about ourselves can be a struggle.

I think it very important that these men become able to perceive and accept their transvestitism and bisexuality. That is a necessary initial step in becoming less painfully incoherent.

Self-awareness should enable them to better cope with their needs. To find women willing to help them realize their desires.

Dear Mr. Profile Person,

Your profile (or personal ad) says you are a heterosexual man. But you write to me. Since you never say anything like “I’m a straight guy who wants to humiliate a homo,” I have to guess that you are really bisexual but don’t want to state that visibly even on a website devoted to helping us kinky perverts get together.

I do know the misconceptions that monosexuals both heterosexual and gay often have about us. They are sure we can’t be faithful and suspect we’re likely to be disease ridden.

But as someone who listened to his father disown him - tell him he didn’t care if he starved in the street - rather than lie to a question about his sexuality I find it awful hard at times to feel really sympathetic.

So butch up: especially if you call yourself a top. I’m not looking to be dominated by a scaredy cat.

So butch up!

Yours faithfully,
Richard