People often send pointless malignant notes who offend them by simply having a certain preference or taste.

In the same-sex portion of my vanilla sexuality I prefer highly feminine, waifish, weak guys. The more ‘sissified’ the better.

On AOL many years ago a message from someone with a screenname like ‘bigbadbear’ asking me how dare I like such disgusting creatures as femme gay men. And his wasn’t the only communication bitching about my taste in male lovers.

On Recon I’ve been sent mysterious objurgations to “Grow up boi!” No explanation. Some thing or things in one of my profiles I guess. Writing back to ask what prompted the remark never garners a reply.

Yesterday on CollarMe a man wrote to tell me that it was offensive of me to have listed enemas as a soft limit. He’s over a thousand miles away so he isn’t planning on trying to meet me. Evidently the idea that someone might refuse one is disgusting for him to contemplate. (Soft Limits: I won’t do it the first time that I meet you But if we are going to see each other repeatedly then I’ll willingly submit to the act).

Nothing makes a man* less masterful than sending unasked for abuse from the anonymity of internet dating sites.

* No woman has ever sent me anything like that.

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Elsewhere I’ve criticized and suggested ways in which submissive guys might improve their profiles and personal ads. But many dominant (men) are just as bad.

I wouldn’t bother to bitch about tops who don’t know the difference between dominant and dominate. Or the men who think the ellipsis a universal punctuation mark.

What startles me is the (hope to be) Masters who post a profile and obviously never look at it a second time.

There’s a fellow who claims to be searching for a 14/7 relationship. I don’t believe his profile. I bet he really wants a 24/7 slave.

Another top must have copied and pasted his profile text from a word-processing program. What he wants a potential submissive person to read is interlarded with the sort of metadata that you get from MS Word and the like.

Both of these profiles have been up for a long stretch. The author of neither has never gone back to read what he wrote. As the frustration of not hearing from anyone continues each probably feels picked on by fate.

Speaking for my own branch of submissive masochist: one thing that a top must inspire is respect. Not writing a minimally intelligible, readable profile is a sure way to prevent respect from ever developing.

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This short profile from someone in rural North Carolina gave me pause:

46yr old single father of two looking for a submissive, slave or switch to join me and my sons in kinky BDSM play

Genetic considerations aside I can see no justifications for the incest taboo assuming the two are fairly mature and sensible. Not that I find the idea exciting myself. I once did have a dream of having sex with my sister. I didn’t welcome that dream and am glad it never reoccurred.

But – call it cultural conditioning – something about a dad and his two sons binding, beating, sexually using the same woman leaves me inexorably queasy. Images of an inbred and dysfunctional redneck family flash into my mind. Perhaps unfairly.

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A self-proclaimed – it isn’t as if there’s a licensing authority for the term – Old Guard Master shares his view of the M/s power exchange:

The distance between Master and that of Slave is greater than the Distance between Man and Ape.

The Master is African-American so given the recent media furors over the racial implications of images of primates this is an exceptionally unfortuneate metaphor.

But would be a damn silly assertion to make outside of BDSM porn anytime.

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In my opinion a Master is completed by his slave/pup – a successful Master is a Master who shapes his slave into reflecting his personality and brings out the features of the slave that enhances these. An owner who has the ability to be everything for his slave, who can take over the slave’s free will and make him totally submit to the slave life, that a true slave ultimately seeks: being fully owned and stripped of free will as well as not having to make any choices in his personal life.

Imagine having to be everything for someone. Only a egomaniac – or a hopelessly naïve person – could imagine achieving that status.

Hence a successful Master has embraced and acknowledged his superiority and wants to share his life with an inferior person. Such a Master will know his desired direction and means to get where he wants to go with his life. With him, in this process, make sure the slave works in the same direction, and pursues the same goals as his Master.

It is always important to remember: superiority is granted by the Department of Poetic Licenses, which are invalid in real space-time.

A slave is not a slave if not owned by a master! A successful slave is – in my opinion – a man who has willingly given up his freedom and free will, to a person who is his superior. A successful slave will go through fire and ice for his Master. He is fully obedient as he knows the Master will know best. The success in itself is not as much the submission, but the full acceptance and embracement of the mentality of the submissive within. The slave should be ready to totally submit on all levels, and give up every aspect of free will and let his Master be in charge of him with no exceptions!

Will the Master also plow through fire and ice for the slave? How is this different from any over-the-top relationship? This is what husbands and wives have been promising one another for ages. Sometimes they even do it.

A successful slave has eliminated every concept of self and embraced his Master and his Masters will totally.

Not being a Buddhist the idea of eliminating sense of self sounds disturbing. This kind of psychologically untenable expectation is just a disaster waiting to happen.

A successful Master slave relation is a relation where the Master respects the choice of the slave, and gives his slave meaning with the pursuit of becoming his object. Where the slave respects and obeys the master, and where the Master becomes more and more incorporated into the slave until the slave is no longer an individual, but has become an extension of his owner. A symbiosis, where both parts achieve the completion of what is ultimately the natural state of mind: the unification of two individual life’s into a higher state of life.

No longer an individual. Just a little slave robot with no personality. I’ve always been irked by all this higher state species of chatter. It just means the writer’s penis gets hard when he thinks of all this. And erections – like being drunk or stoned – often make men feel they are having or picturing experiences special profundity.

I don’t think the Master who wrote this is a bad person. A bit silly. And perhaps hoping for a relationship where any reason for insecurity, possibility of failure has been eliminated.

Not that I don’t understand the appeal – on both sides. But only fools forget that interpersonal entanglements are complicated, subject to capricious acts of god, health and so many other things.

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Several times a guy pushing a “Family Commune” has attempted to attract my attention. The profile he has posted on behalf of the Master he no longer reads with is fairly long.

It opens like a cross between a bad self-help book and an invitation to join the local Baptist church:

Are you tired of living alone?
Are you yearning to belong…and to be part of a family?
Are you a caring, nurturing person and wish you had ‘something bigger’ to contribute to?

Are you emotionally vulnerable? A target for schemes?

Master is currently searching for a very nice, upscale place in beautiful South Florida to form a small and S-A-N-E family / commune / community.
There will be some nice rooms to rent to a few select, natural servant / slave / sub type men.

He is looking to buy a house and to find some suckers to make the mortgage payments?

Of course, you will keep your regular 9-5 life. And you will have your personal space and time.
However, your dedication to your family commune should come first.

Of course the cult will be the priority.

And though this is a roommate situation, there will still be some structure; like domestic duties, fellowship, eating and outings together, etc.
And, if you wish, assisting Master! (I had the honor and pleasure to do that for some time. How wonderful that was.)

So you only have to serve Master if you want to.

An ideal candidate must be submissive, humble, honest, and dedicated to serving.

Someone that can be pushed around?

You could possibly be there part-time only (ex. weekends) but you would have to pay full rent, as you would still have your own room available to you anytime.

The main thing is pay the rent.

ABOUT YOU:

First, truly wanting to belong and be part of a family situation must be a priority.

You should be desperate, needy.

Be easy to be around and able to fit in with your new family. And you must be spiritually open.

Open to what Pentecostalism? Human sacrifice?

Family combined with commune makes me think of Charles Manson. Probably not that kind of thing going on here. Though there are so many cunning and disreputable people who come up with imaginative ways to bilk people …

Really it sounds like an attempt to get a bunch of submissive guys to make someone’s house payments. I’ve seen other online profiles by men that are obviously hoping to manipulate for profit slave-identified males.

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The top’s profile had a reasonable feel at first. The man seemed reasonable and mature. A bit ambiguous but it can be tough to both be specific and keep a range of options open when writing a profile.

When he got to outlining what he wanted in a slave it was the usual 24/7, total slave, no limits razzmatazz. But in summarizing his slave’s life there was an element that stood out starkly:

No future.

Now that seems a terrible thing to expect from someone or to want to subject anyone to.

Not that I was sure what he meant. My guess was that his slave would not grow, progress, develop, evolve: change in any way. Enslavement as a sort of personal stasis.

To be fair the inner life of many people freezes. They become unchanging bores. And spend the rest of their days in front of the TV set.

But I can’t imagine a submissive person with any creativity, spirit – real interest in life signing up for a form of slavery that entails anything like the lack of a future.

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The appeal for my submissive side of wearing a mask with slots for eyes is in imagining that the top can’t see who I am and might forget that it is not just some generic slave. The loss of identity contributes to a sense of unimportance.

That is fantasy, though it could be made part of those wonderful psychodramas where top and bottom conspire to suspend belief.

Recently I read a profile in which the master stated that his slave would have no individuality. That typifies perfectly something that is wrong with many D/s profiles and personal ads. The pretence that top and bottom, master/mistress and slave are interchangeable parts in a BDSM machine.

The master just wants “total obedience” and many a slave claims to offer just that. A few favorite fetishes might be mentioned but otherwise there are no specifics. No reason for one to want to meet the other than a specific role is filled.

The top as well as the bottom becomes s creature without individuality.

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Master flogs slave.

This morning I got a message from one Jockgod1. Naturally the first thing I did was look at his profile. If he wants to live up to such an ambitious pseudonym he’ll have to put on more muscle and she some tummy fat before falling into the jock god range. Not that there was anything really wrong with his looks. Just nothing special.

His profile stated that he wants to be spoiled. And his email was essentially an invitation to spoil, ahem, my god.

Now the jock god is about as far from me as you can be in North America. And there was the typical absence of specifics that are a sign of BDSM junk mail. Fetish spam.

Tons of ‘submissive’ women are writing to men on CollarMe and Alt without even bothering to check the recipients’ power exchange orientation. They are the crop of online models that have plagued online personal ads since the beginning.

Spoil is often a codeword for: give me tribute. E.g., give me money because I claim I’m dominant and that is how you, the submissive person, show your submission. There’s been a pandemic of incompetent money dominatrices with buttons you can click to send them $25, $50 …. $100, $500!

There are reports that current economic conditions are causing more women to try professional domination as a source of income. (Nothing wrong with that other than many of them will prove incompetent and possibly even do clients harm.)

While male domination for pay is exceedingly uncommon it does exist. No reason to expect them to be more (or less) ethical than the women.

Regardless of your gender and sexual orientation, regardless of your desperation don’t let distant strangers talk you into giving them money for nothing. Some men actually become addicted to this and damage themselves badly financially.

Don’t spoil someone who is already rancid.

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well, i am insensitive master who likes be pleased anyway and whenever i wished without question of slave. I am into bondage, s/m, degradation, humiliation, training, feet, man dog/slaves, houseboys

As often as I’ve fantasized about ruthless and selfish sadists somehow the word insensitive never popped into my mind. Encountering it in the profile above I can’t supress a smile. I’m not mocking the man. English isn’t his primary language. Insensitivity as an erotic quality will linger with me a time.

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