Female tops ( - it probably happens to male tops and submissive persons as well - ) recount stories of the man who never show up for a scheduled first date, Other dominant women express empathetic chagrin and submissive males wonder how anyone can be so foolish.

Dominant women often employ extensive vetting and screening in selecting guys to meet. Any sane person who uses the web to search for hookups and romance does likewise. That will never prove completely foolproof. Flakes and fools will always manage to slip past the most carefully conceived filters.

Why would a man invest time and energy in currying the interest of a dominant woman, achieve it and then fail to meet her.

He’s married or partnered or whatever the right term is for someone in a committed relationship with another person. That he not be is probably the first criterion: on the web nobody knows you are phony At least until.

Fears of being caught cheating or the lack of resources with which to cheat successfully stop many men from taking the final step. In a way the women are lucky. Becoming involved with him and then discovering his falsity would be worse than sipping coffee alone.

Just plain fear: this I suspect covers the majority of no shows. Fear of:

• Exposure: of blackmail maybe but mostly of by some mysterious means that others will learn of their submissive sexuality. They fear being laughed at or damaging their career.
• Fear of you, the woman. Whatever they may have written in the back of their minds an image of dominant women as pitiless, cruel creatures. They cultivate horrific fantasies that no one could really endure.
• Fear of being found inadequate. Like so much to do with fetish and kink this is universal to all social-sexual interaction. Even though they may dream of a top mocking them as worthless that isn’t the same as meeting someone and being found literally and objectively not worth knowing.

There may also be men for whom negotiating and making the date is all they ‘need.’ Those acts are sufficiently sexually gratifying. Cynically they never plan to meet. But I think them rare.

How many men I wonder make the date, approach the location only to freeze and retreat. Maybe they watch for you across the street. Or just as they start to open the door to the restaurant selected for the appointed rendezvous stop and run away.

This isn’t to excuse their incivility. At the very least they could follow-up with an email admitting that they don’t want it takes to translate their desires into reality.

If a man has pissed you off by making a date and failing to arrive for it perhaps you can find vengeful comfort in this thought:

For perhaps the rest of his life the guy will regret that he wasn’t brave enough to meet you. And he’ll spend many nights wondering what might have been.

Dating, Femdom, Malesub