They want you to be their love robot.

In a comment on my note about frustratingly vague profiles AlmostMagic mentioned the guys who have overly precise scripts they expect the top to follow.

The best such profile I recall has been my benchmark for too much specificity for years.

Not only did he know that he’d be ‘forced’ to wear a dress. He also knew it would be a green dress. And that air would blow up from a vent on the left side. A top has to be a bit of a stage manager at times but that is just too damn much.

(From November 2006. A bit odd to read now.)

People love these ten best sorts of lists. I don’t know why, suggesting that you fit in ten anything is confessing that you are generic. But as someone who did market research for many years I know that unconscious involuntary conformity is even truer than I thought as an angry teen.

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In reading the weary words of dominant women back from their latest round of reading replies to their personal ads they often mention pathetic spelling, piteous grammar and inadequate composition skills of the submissive guys that offer themselves.

Sadly none of these are likely to be English professors seeking an obscure form of humiliation.

If my recollection is aright one of their most common complaints is that the guys say they are looking for a dominate rather than dominant woman.

My recent survey of BDSM personals has revealed to me that too large a number of tops call themselves dominate men, couples, etc.

I’m the last person to join the grammar and spelling Gestapo but … !

It diminishes - Hell, it chokes - my sense of submission when someone I might surrender to can’t get right something so elementary. I’m not anxious to be fussy. Take no pleasure in being pedantic.

But I’d be ever so grateful it you could correct this.

Not having given alt.com a dime I haven’t done more than browse the locals and read my LoveDog mismatch reports.

Imagine going to a news site and reading a headline proclaiming Something Happened or Today Isn’t Yesterday.

So many profiles just say “looking for something new.” Or “want to try something different.” Really grabs your interest doesn’t it?

Some profile headlines are so badly constructed that someone who sounds like a top proves to really be a bottom who hasn’t the tiniest ability at self-expression.

This vagueness is frustrating. And it seems to apply to the majority of profiles.

I understand that part of it is timidity. Having never dared speak their desires aloud to anyone they are nervous when they sit at their keyboard.

These folks can easily be dismissed as not worth the time. But, you know, I bet many of them are. Or would be if we had a clue as to what they want.

Rather a sad loss.

(It wasn’t long after I discovered that I could enjoy being dominated and tormented by a woman that I created a micro-site on Geocities (remember that?) focusing on my submissive side. I don’t know why I thought a little story would be an effective way to communicate my sense of the - ? - proprieties. To my surprise response from the women who ran across it was positive and kind. Of course they all lived hundreds or thousands of miles away: a condition that persists to this day.)

“A strong arm and a stinging paddle are the best training tools.”

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(This is about eight years old.)

When I first started making the acquaintance of gay men who wear pretty dresses I was startled by the undercurrent of masochism. Not that I have anything against masochism. But the transvestites’ craving for humiliation seemed to emerge from their image of womanhood.

Crossdresser sexism troubled me. Happy satisfaction in crossdressing often involves pleasure in recreating traditional gender roles as much as flouting the norms. That they guys wanted to express their femininity by being spanked was off-putting. No condemnation is meant; it is an axiom of urbanity that sexuality simply is. Sex is evil only without consent.

I read little erotica (although I did read a recent femsub novel in the shop last week, title forgotten, it was remarkably well-written). I’ve written a half dozen fragments of erotica. I don’t have a narrative gift and am deaf to idiomatic dialogue. They were written to help me explore some facet of my sexuality. Below is my attempt to come to grips with transvestite humiliation. If sexual power exchange repels you don’t read any further.

The penultimate paragraph is the key.

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Some of these so-called masters must spend an awful lot of time reading BDSM porn:

If on the other hand you are looking to become a real Full-Time slave there will never be release or escape from being my property ever again.

(Sorry Jack but this isn’t Gor. Are you hankering to join Glenn Marcus in the federal pen? )

Although I may choose to display you to others , you will never be allowed out in public alone again with out permission except for such as working at a job or other things I will that I may aprove.

At least he doesn’t say he’s compassionate.

There will be no going out alone by yourself merely for you personal pleasure. If you are my full time property

I wonder: has anybody ever called himself Sir 1984?

If I chose to take you to another place for display or use in front of, or require you to service other Masters and slaves, I WILL DO SO

By this time most female submissives will have gone on to read other profiles.

Once you become my property you will have no rights, and no choices or limitss other than those I choose to grant you after disscusing what you feel you realy need.

I’m sure all the girls are just lining up waiting to climb in your cage.

I’ve posted a fair amount of BDSM dating advice elsewhere, no reason to stop now.

Do not work on your profiles and personal ads when you are sexually aroused. Seriously. If you are feeling horny go masturbate before writing. Otherwise you are apt to make promises you can’t keep and get caught up in stressing specific fetishes more than you mean to. To write a good personal advertisement you need to find a happy medium between being aware of your needs and almost clinical detachment from them.

You want to let your passion shine through but with enough impartiality to show you are capable of coping with those passions with some degree of reason.

Neither neediness nor mania is attractive.

Be honest and balanced.

When I first used the web to meet people I remember being startled by how incoherent they often were.

Instant messages looked like automobile license plates. And getting past the opening “how are you” seemed like moving glaciers.

And my few recent test experiences show no sign that the increased popularity of using the internet for finding partners for doing BDSM has made things any better.

If you are looking to bring some fantasies to life why not go ahead and say what those latent longings consist of?

Sometimes it is if you have to pry one word at a time out of someone who has written you. I’ve listed as both top and bottom and I’m long past worrying about grammar. (Not that ellipsis abuse doesn’t continue to annoy me.) Getting a concrete sentiment, specific desire is tough enough.

It is extra baffling when a top is both unable to spell and unwilling to say what he wants. I wouldn’t mind trying to gently top from the bottom for a novice dominant but I can’t do anything for them is they are hidden behind a verbal fog. A pity. There may be more potential with someone like that than a character that insists on capitalization protocol.

What Catches Your Eye?

Looking at an erotic photograph is hardly an objective experience. Your response brings forth a fairly broad range of your sexuality: the realities of your past, things hoped for and foolish fevered dreams.

Looking at this cover of The Bitch Goddess, what catches your eye?

The woman’s legs? For me they are just a framing device, her presence provides context.

It is the man. Because I’d like to be him. On my knees. The joy of restraints, the bit gag (much sexier than the traditional ball gag). Looking up at someone who has me helpless, my mind torn between anticipation and dread at where I’m about to be taken. My body her plaything. Lashes that will cut into my mind as well as my flesh.

What do you see?

A gay male top in his fifties complete profile:

19 and slim is nice

Another by one in his forties:

looking for 18 years you have no rights .total slut pain slave

I know that yearning. There was an attractive young waif in my store the other day. Ah to be … again.

I write as someone whose last two lovers were over twenty years his junior. Sure that was nice, no reason to lie about it. Their comparative youth made me nervous at first. Turning into a pathetic old chickenhawk isn’t on my list of aspirations.

These older gay masters are fantastically delusional. If you’ve reached that age without being able to distinguish which of your wants are plausible you have doomed yourself to a life of frustration.

Not being able to enjoy someone near your own age leaves you an erotic cripple. You doom yourself to a solitary old age.

Honestly I can’t claim to feel compassion for them. Profiles like that evoke only contempt.

(This happened in 2000 I think. I wrote it up a year or two later on my old Live Journal account.)

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